An Important Realization

In the past couple weeks I have come to a slightly depressing and slightly happying (is that a word?) realization... I will at some point need to get married. As many of you know and by many I mean all sense only four of you follow my blog and probably only two of you read it, I am very cynical about relationships due to an... interestingly bad first relationship. And although that hasn't completely changed, it has a little bit.

After being bitter about that relationship I lived off of the words spoken by Paul in the Bible about marriage. He said that if you can keep from lust don't marry because relationships can hinder your relationship with God (which is just one bad thing (and the most bad thing) about my first relationship). Although this may be the way of some people, I have found that most likely this is not going to the way for me. Recently I have spent a lot of time alone in the house and I have found that I can't perform necessary tasks such as feeding myself very well. I also don't know how to wash clothes or use a dishwasher. Because of this, I will need a woman.

Another thing that held me back from wanting to get married is the fact that I might get bored with her. Yes, I know. That sounds terrible. That's because it is and that's why I was scared of it happening. I don't want to get married to someone and then lose my love for them. I was scared that I would make the wrong choice. But now I realize that if I trust God about this (I'm talking about the future here, just in case you thought I meant now. Although you should trust God about everything now too.) then God will lead me to someone that I won't lose my love for. Someone who will aid in my walk with God, and someone who will make me food since I am foodly challenged... Not that I won't help.

Now who knows, I may never get married. So I guess more or less I learned that I have to be open to it. I might become a missionary and never even really think about marriage. Or I may get married and still become a missionary. Or I may remain single and get a normal job. Or... I think you get the point. But basically I need to get off my bitter bus. One failed relationship doesn't mean I can't start another one. And just because commitment scares the living bajeebers out of me doesn't I mean I can't commit.

Lastly, I need to stop feeling like I am not worthy of any woman. In my first relationship I did some things I'm not proud of and I'm glad that I got out of the relationship when I did before it became something worse. But just because I did some stupid stuff doesn't mean I can't marry someone. The past is past. But now and in the future I hope to trust God in all things, and specifically in the area of marriage.

P.S. I did not mean to say that when the Bible says that if you can keep from lust don't marry because relationships can hinder your relationship with God, it was wrong, I just mean that I was so set on not getting married because of this I wan't open to the thought of getting married which God may actually want me to do.