I haven't posted since September 5th which is entirely way too long. there has been a lot of reasons for that... the main one being the fact that I'm lazy. But also since September 5th a lot has happened.
When I got back from the Youth Group fall retreat I got the flu. Not the throw up flu fortunately but what I had certainly wasn't fun either. I dealt with that for about 3 or 4 days I think and then I spent another 4 or so days getting better from it. And during that time that I was getting better from the flu I developed a cold... which turned into a sinus infection. Which is what I have been dealing with for over a week now almost two. So I have been sick for about three weeks... not fun. I think part of the reason I am not getting better is stress. Not that I have a lot to do (everybody always thinks its ridiculous when I say I get stressed) but because I am not good at dealing with stress.
One thing that has been stressing me out is leading worship at my youth group. In all honesty I'm really not very good at guitar and the amount of songs I know is very very limited. Messing up is something I hate and something I fear. This is stressing me out. But why? If I had the right view about this I wouldn't be stressed out. Worship is about leading people in praising God. Not sounding good. Worship has a greater purpose than impressing people, worship is about God, for God, and with God. I don't see myself in that equation but yet I am always trying to add myself in there.
School has also been really stressing me out. In all honesty I put WAY too much pressure on myself to do good in school. My oldest brother is going to law school and my other brother is going to Butler for six years for their pharmacy program... needless to say we are going to be spending a lot of money on education. And for some reason I have put all the pressure to get scholarships on myself. And doing well in school is hard with Hon Physics and Hon Pre-Calculus. Ok let me rephrase that. Meeting my ridiculous standards for myself is hard with those classes. In all honesty when I got an A- in English class freshman year I was ticked. Like really ticked. I was mad all summer. How pathetic is that? And even know I want to do anything in my power to keep myself from getting a grade that starts with anything other than an A. But again, the only reason I am stressed is because I don't have the right viewpoint. God should be the reason I try in school. God is the reason why I get the grades I get so I should be satisfied with whatever he gives me... even if it is a B. God is going to find a way to pay for college or wherever He wants me to go whether that's a Christian college, regular college, an institute, or even an army college (which getting this stick figure body into a soldier would also take a miracle from Him haha). And whatever He wants me to study, He'll let me know eventually.
So basically I worry too much if you haven't noticed haha. Everything in life is telling me to settle down. Lecrae concert: we shouted at the top of our lungs "I don't worry about a 'thang'". Junior High Bible Study: we read about how God provides for us, our job is just to be focused on Him and also we read the verse about not worrying about tomorrow because today has enough worries of its own. Reading through the Psalms: I see how much God did for David and Israel and all they had to do is pray. Its really just amazing how God knows what you need to hear and somehow He'll make you hear it. You just have to be listening.
So thanks for reading! I hope it wasn't too boring. By the way, if you want to talk about anything or need prayer just send me an e-mail at sam.hrtng@gmail.com, text me if you have my number, or Facebook me. Also do the same if you have ideas about what I should post about. God bless!
This blog is going to be dedicated to expressing what I am thinking. It could be thoughts about God, life, ideas, issues... anything really. It is also dedicated to special moments and people in my life. Enjoy!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
A Lot Has Been On My Mind Lately
This weekend I went on a retreat with my youth group and I had a lot of fun... but that was about it. I didn't really feel like I learned anything spiritually. Now don't get me wrong, Doug and Jeremy gave a GREAT message and there was a lot to be learned from it, so why didn't it impact me?
Well I have been thinking about that all day today and I came up with a very simple but hard answer: I am completely focused on myself. And not only am I completely focused on myself, I WANT to be completely focused on myself. My pride is swelling up big again. Recently I have just been tired with focusing my life on God and subconsciously all I've been wanting to do is just stop it. I have been playing guitar for Chi Alpha which made me really nervous and the whole time I was just completely focused on sounding good. Not leading people in worship. I've been struggling with what I want to do for college and my life and sometimes it seems like that would be an easier question to solve if I took God out of the equation.
But it all comes down to this: I CAN'T TAKE GOD OUT OF THE EQUATION!!! NOR SHOULD I WANT TO!!!
So far many of you may be stunned by this post. Maybe not. But I truly think that all of us feel this way sometimes. Sometimes it just seems like life would be more fun and easier if we didn't have to focus it all on God. And you know what? It might be easier and more fun for a while. But in the grand scheme of things its not worth it. And God's love is SOOOO much better than doing my own things. His love is what I should want. His relationship is what I should want. Being His servant is what I should want. Reading His Word is what I should want. And right now I am trying to do that. I am asking God for the desire to be in His Word and in prayer. The desire to focus my time and life on Him rather than myself.
Thanks for letting me vent. This post was probably more real than any I have posted before. Hopefully you didn't take out of it that I don't want to be a Christian, that is not at all what I meant. This post was just the truth about what I believe to be a lot of Christians' struggles. Sometimes following God is hard, even if life is great because for some reason our sinful human nature starts telling us that it could be even better if we just drop the whole God thing. But that is just a lie that Satan tells us. Following God is awesome although it may not seem like it all the time.
To end this I would like to share with you verses that I think is totally awesome. It helps take away any thoughts that life would be better without God.
" 7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:7-11
Well I have been thinking about that all day today and I came up with a very simple but hard answer: I am completely focused on myself. And not only am I completely focused on myself, I WANT to be completely focused on myself. My pride is swelling up big again. Recently I have just been tired with focusing my life on God and subconsciously all I've been wanting to do is just stop it. I have been playing guitar for Chi Alpha which made me really nervous and the whole time I was just completely focused on sounding good. Not leading people in worship. I've been struggling with what I want to do for college and my life and sometimes it seems like that would be an easier question to solve if I took God out of the equation.
But it all comes down to this: I CAN'T TAKE GOD OUT OF THE EQUATION!!! NOR SHOULD I WANT TO!!!
So far many of you may be stunned by this post. Maybe not. But I truly think that all of us feel this way sometimes. Sometimes it just seems like life would be more fun and easier if we didn't have to focus it all on God. And you know what? It might be easier and more fun for a while. But in the grand scheme of things its not worth it. And God's love is SOOOO much better than doing my own things. His love is what I should want. His relationship is what I should want. Being His servant is what I should want. Reading His Word is what I should want. And right now I am trying to do that. I am asking God for the desire to be in His Word and in prayer. The desire to focus my time and life on Him rather than myself.
Thanks for letting me vent. This post was probably more real than any I have posted before. Hopefully you didn't take out of it that I don't want to be a Christian, that is not at all what I meant. This post was just the truth about what I believe to be a lot of Christians' struggles. Sometimes following God is hard, even if life is great because for some reason our sinful human nature starts telling us that it could be even better if we just drop the whole God thing. But that is just a lie that Satan tells us. Following God is awesome although it may not seem like it all the time.
To end this I would like to share with you verses that I think is totally awesome. It helps take away any thoughts that life would be better without God.
" 7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:7-11
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